Awake
by jamkolover
Summary: To Jamie Reagan, Eddie Janko was everything. 3 days ago, Eddie Janko was fatally shot.


Jamie awoke at 7 am to the sound of a blaring alarm. He rolled over to feel an ice cold side of the bed, like its been for the past 3 days, and like it will be for the rest of his life. Eddie was the one who would hop out of bed right before the sound of their alarm. She would run over to the window and pull open the curtains, letting the bright morning light shine through. Then she would make her way back over to Jamie, shut the alarm off before its second beep, giving him just enough time to brace for the attack of kisses she was about to give him. Jamie stayed in bed until 7:30 thinking about the happiness he and Eddie shared for the short time they were engaged. It may have only been official for 5 months, but both Eddie and Jamie knew they were meant for each other for the past 5 years. 3 days ago, Jamie didn't know what was about to happen. He didn't know that his world was about to shatter into a million unrepairable pieces. He didn't know that when Eddie walked out of their apartment, it would be the last time he would see her smiling face. The last time he would tell her that he loved her.

Jamie reluctantly got out of bed and went to shower. He stood in the tub for 20 minutes, letting the hot water run down his face, masking the tears rolling down his face. After his fingers started to prune, he turned the water off and went back to the bedroom. He sat down on his bed, still in the towel, put his face in his hands, and cried. Jamie didn't realize how long he was like that until he got a text from Danny. Hey Jam, it's me. We will pick you up at 8:30. See in you in 15. Jamie looked at the time on his phone. He didn't realize how late it had gotten. He quickly got up from his bed and changed into his dress blues. He was back in the bathroom brushing his hair when he heard a knock on the door. He walked through the silent house to the front door. He opened it to reveal Danny standing up against the door frame. Danny looked into Jamie's puffy, red-rimmed eyes, and decided not to say anything. Instead, he let Jamie walk out and shut the door behind him.

The car ride to the funeral service was around 30 minutes. The whole time Jamie's head stayed pressed up against the cold glass window, his eyes closed, and his mind wandering. When they pulled up, Jamie exited the car and saw Erin, Nicki, his father, his grandfather, Jack, and Sean waiting. Erin walked up to Jamie and gave him a hug. She grabbed on to his elbow and led him over to where they were sitting. Jamie sat down and waiting for all other cops and guests to show up. While he was waiting he started to think of all the happy memories of him and Eddie. He thought of the first day he met her when at the end of the night, she drove away in her silver Porsche leaving him absolutely in shock. He remembers their first kiss, that night on the sidewalk. The way her voice shifted to sing a beautiful melody. He remembers the night she came to his apartment and confessed her feelings and the way she lingered on his lips for hours after she had left. He remembered the fear that he felt when she saved his life. He remembered the way she cried when he proposed, the way they held hands when they first said I love you. He remembered Eddie Janko, his soulmate.

Jamie heard music playing and looked up to see the funeral hall completely full of cops and friends. The casket containing his wife to be is brought into the room and placed on a stage. It is opened to reveal a version of Eddie, a lifeless representation of the girl she used to be. Jamie couldn't contain himself anymore. He tried to be strong, to put up the image of a tough emotionless Sargent. But he knew that's not what anyone wanted. That's not what he wanted. One by one the tears started flowing again. That was Eddie, his Eddie, the person he loved more than anyone else in the world. The one who he had promised everything to, and now she was dead. Dead from a stupid perp, with a damn gun that is still somewhere on the streets of New York. He didn't know the damage he had caused, and he sure as hell didn't care. As Jamie blankly stared at the casket, he saw his Dad begin to walk up to the podium ready to give a speech. At this moment he was no longer Frank Reagan, father, but Frank Reagan NYPD Commissioner. Jamie tried to tune in but he couldn't. He heard bits and pieces of Frank's speech. Something about cops and family, and love and loyalty. Whatever he was talking about, Jamie knew it wouldn't do Eddie justice. Nothing would.

All of a sudden Jamie's vision started to blur. He looked over at his family who were all sitting in their seats, tears running down their faces, paying close attention to his father's speech. He realized he hasn't eaten or drank anything all day, but he has done that before and this has never happened. Suddenly everything around him was spinning. Spinning faster, and faster, and faster, and faster. And then everything stopped. Jamie no longer saw his family, but instead, a bright white light covered his vision. Jamie blinked multiple times, but the light didn't fade. Instead, it just got brighter. As Jamie stared into the light he saw an outline of a shadow looming over him. A shadow that looked just like Eddie. The shadow got closer and closer and then suddenly disappeared. Confusion overwhelmed Jamie's mind. Confusion which was interrupted by the blaring of an alarm clock. An alarm clock that was stopped before the second beep. Jamie felt the ground under him shake. Then a kiss on his forehead, his neck, his shoulders, and finally his lips.


End file.
